Do you often find yourself saying things; but not following through with actions that would give you the desired result?
For example, you might say; to family and friends that you want to lose a few pounds in weight. But then, you don’t plan any meals, food shop a bit haphazardly and then resort to takeaway quite a bit…
Or, maybe you have an intention – like wanting to exercise more, but follow through with an action, that you are highly unlikely to meet. E.G, saying you will set your alarm early and go to the gym, but come the morning time – sleep is just more valuable to you!
Emotional Intelligence
Well, believe it or not, these scenarios come under our Emotional Intelligence. If you have not heard of it, or have – but only in a vague sense, then let me explain. EI is a concept coined by Daniel Goleman, a US psychologist (he published a book with the same name), in the ’90s.
EI Concepts
The book and concept had a few simple premises:
It’s important to have good social skills.
You should be able to understand other people’s emotions.
You should be able to identify your own emotions and more importantly – regulate them when needed.
Understand how our emotions; can shape our behaviour.
The EI approach was needed, as often people were unaware of their emotions, and in fact, often push down emotions and avoided feeling their feelings. In many cases, this may be, learned behaviour from childhood.
Emotions
When we can lean into our emotions, whether they are feelings of stress, fear, anxiety and more… we can listen and figure out what our mind and body are trying to tell us. This change leads us to make better, quality decisions that are right for our lives.
Deepening your Emotional Intelligence also makes it easier to deal with other people. When you have good self-confidence and are comfortable in your own skin, you are likely to be able to offer empathy and understanding to others, even when you don’t necessarily agree with their point of view.
Those that work on EI are less likely to take others for granted and are more considerate of other people’s feelings and thoughts, and they listen much more intently. This leads to better connections and communication with people at work, with partners, children, friends and family members. Leaving everyone feeling more valued.
Three things to work on to boost your Emotional Intelligence:
Feelings can be confusing – try to work out exactly what you are feeling. Use a Feelings Wheel if you struggle to put words to an emotion.
Learn that it is okay to walk away from your feelings when they are overwhelming. However, this is under the proviso – that when you are calmer, you return to the feelings and deal with what was happening.
Know that feelings don’t always have to be acted on, and they are not always supportive of our long-term goals. It’s okay to let some feelings go – those that are fleeting and collide with your thoughts.
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